just woke up. not happy, again today. feeling angry and betrayed. the used is stuck in my head. i dont know why. all this is happening to me. and i dont know why even more…just stay with me, lay with me now. </3
i havent gotten to post in a day or two. i am really crappy. but i’m putting on the best happy face i can. i hate to be a saboteur, but i really just want sabotage. i need her in my life. she’s the fish in the sea that ive always wanted. i dont want to wait. but for her, i will. no matter how long that takes. (please dont be too long) :’(
so yeah. i sat around and thought about it all day. and i feel unbelievably terrible. he gets to enjoy her love and company. and her touch and her looks. and he wont be the only one. i am hating life at the moment.
“Can you lie next to her and give her your heart, your heart?
As well as your body, and can you lie next to her and confess your love, your love?
As well as your folly and can you kneel before the king and say ‘I’m clean’, ‘I’m Clean’?
But tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart?
But tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart?
Her white blank page & a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, the brink
You desired my attention but denied my affections, affections
But tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart.
But tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart
Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life
Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life
AhhhAhh(s)”—Mumford And Sons - “White Blank Page”
I cried the whole time this was happening. I am so gloriously happy for Michael and Holly. I’m going through such a terrible time right now. They give me all this hope. I hold on to silly little things like television. I know that true, indestructible, unbelievable love is real. I want this so badly. You know who you are. I will wait. For however long it takes. You’re it for me. You can be with your Roy or AJ for now. But we are it for each other. I have to try Pam’s mom out now. See you down the road my love. <3
so the night is over. and the day has started. i’m not any better off than when i started drinking. i’m probably way worse. if i can make it through these next few years, i’ll be a champ. but right now i’m nothing but a chump. my head is pounding and my heartbeat is fading. i’m miserable. i can proudly say that. i knew things were going on. and not a soul told me. i dont understand how something like this could be kept from me by my friends. i honestly just want to lay down and cry for days. i have nothing. but a shitty job and no hope. these words can not honestly say how i feel. i am in so much pain. i have to sit down and watch life progress. when all i want is to just stay where i was at. please. someone send me my savior. this is life. and i must endure.
i have work in just under 9 hours. i shall be getting off work at 1pm and catching multiple buses to arrive at home. and i will have to walk for about an hour and a half. but i have to make my sacrifices, no matter their size.
at home i will be greeted by a hot shower and a quick clean up of my apartment. because apparently, i have plenty of people joining me for a party. i’m terribly excited. i just wanna let loose and enjoy myself.
at my party i promise i will: get naked. kiss somebody. do shots. hate myself for a moment. love life. miss everything. flaunt my cock. not get drunk enough. have a drunken stupor clean up.
and hopefully at my party i will: go to bed with someone wrapped in my arms.
The movies have really brought out my love for “Loony” Lovegood. And that’s saying something considering I’m not usually into blondes. I’ve seen her as a brunette and she’s just as lovely, if not more so, than with her golden locks. Her eccentricities are what I love about her. She’s so unique, the most important thing to me, that I can’t help but find her so appealing. She has my <3.
The Prisoner of Azkaban was my favorite for the longest time. Just for the adulthood the characters started to deal with. And I loved learning about the origins of Padfoot, Prongs, Wormtail, and Moony.
Soon after that, The Half Blood Prince became my favorite. Solely because of the romantic dynamics of the book. I loved reading about Harry and Ginny’s relationship problems and Harry’s determination to be with the girl I love. It made me feel like I was reading a reflection of my life.
Finally, and currently, my favorite is The Deathly Hallows. Obviously the finale will always have alot of merit, and it should because it was so epic. It had everything you could possibly want. It was J.K. Rowling’s crowning achievement and I don’t think it gets much better than TDH. Though I really do hope she continues the Potter series in some novel form.
In the Apple store again. Just waiting for Sam to get out of work. Enjoying this whole store. “The Cave” is stuck in my head. Partying on Saturday. Gonna be fun. And extremely interesting, considering the amount of people that will be at my home. And just hoping that Kat Denning appears and we have a winding romance. Merh.
I’m posting this on an iPad! I bought tea today that I’m very upset for buying. The salesman was way too good. But I also purchased new boxers, socks, and sunglasses. So I’m 50/50 about the whole thing. No good stores are hiring in this mall. Gonna visit Sam at Toojay’s in just a bit.
it’s not a fashion statement, it’s a fucking death wish
pulling from along this coast breaking hearts, something to boast send me under and rip it out as my brain begins to drown of drought i sever the ties and bury the secrets never speaking of our illegitimates torn clothing from our bodies moving on to pronounced “hotties” leave me here to catch my breath lasting breaths but never death life’s unsteady and shaky flow as your mind makes up what to know please send me that s.o.s. leave me here, and take your dress flounder on the dock as i begin to cry and relinquish my heart that will never try send the ambulance my way if you please and enter your bars, the epidemic’s tease i am the last thing your eyes will see but only because you never let my heart free
for your CONSIDERATION
Walking down these narrow roads Searching up and down for my clothes Midnight pranks leave me nude Pranks that I never seem to elude Broken beer bottles scatter the street And shards of glass embed my feet The pain is only physical to me And the pain is just not worthy I start to stumble and sway And the thoughts of you go away I’m in a trance now and I can’t find myself Books of “Us” are hidden on a shelf 10 out of 10 is what they gave us Never knowing our love was dangerous Not the sort that would kill The kind that would make liquid spill And cause a stain A stain that came back every rain So leave me here to pass out And just pray the forecast reads: “drought”
The Syringe Just Doesn’t Say Enough
I’m hardly known, but for my pretty shell And you’ll never know my own hell I’m a basket case with nothing but a basket A paranoid panda stuck in black and white portraits My mind goes a hundred miles per hour But my body stops to pick a flower So what is a spazz to do Well why not try drugs, you know, something new Heroin, crack, weed, alcohol, it all sounds so fun Just look at this game, it seems I’ve won I’ll inject and snort til my body convulses Smoke and drink til my appearance repulses I’m just a sad poem with nothing to say Because today is my drug fix day So leave me alone and let me kill myself Let me be a part of the corrupter of self I’m just a statistic for a scientific book And you my friend, are my dealer, and a crook
It’s A Speed Bump, Not A Road Block
Your eyes babe, they put me in trances You want me, but you ward off my advances Someday I’ll understand why But until that day, I’ll always try To keep you here in my arms and out of his Creating more of our illegal bliss He’ll always be your everything I’ll just happen to be your something But still I’ll keep trying for you doll Creating a love of the Fall I’ll love you tender and wholeheartedly And envision him as my enemy He’ll come to visit, celebrate a homecoming You’ll push me away, and force my running But I’ll never run too far I know what you want, and who you are I’ve been around this block And I’m still watching that damn clock He’ll make you the key to his lock But to me, he’s just a speed bump, not a road block
Burn After Reading
Floundering on the dock I’ve been damaged by a rock Drowning in the ocean And lacking the skill of motion Water starts to fill my lung Ending my breathes, one by one The hurricane’s waves take me under While overhead it begins to thunder Underneath are remnants of sunken ships, Time’s affect: tears and rips I find a universe under these waves A universe that few men will brave My body goes out, I shall die at least But no, I enter the belly of a beast I write to you from inside this whale, I write to you as sailor’s sail This passage is only meant to say, "I’m pretty sure it wasn’t meant to be this way."
Two years since my birth, I am to return I bring the plane down and watch it burn A light house in the middle of the Atlantic Entering a city with Atlas frantic Splicers hidden inside this city Andrew Ryan’s unsolved case of pity Atlas keeps me going and does so quickly I am coaxed with “Would you kindly” Rapture is said to be a brand new Eden Where man can consume EVE and ADAM Injections to keep me on my toes Under the sea where water flows Big Daddies and Little Sisters continue to traverse Consuming ADAM, a hopeful reverse I begin to incinerate and electrocute Powerful men attack in their diving suit I continue and find Mr. Sander Cohen Continue again to Andrew Ryan I end him quickly, not but a bother Revealed to be my biological father Atlas, the man behind it all Fontaine truly, rises after the fall I am unconscious and thought to be dead Tenenbaum helps with just a bump to the head I choose to end the evil Fontaine For hope not money or fame Consumed by ADAM to the form of a beast But he can’t stand long, his power at least Little Sisters consume all of the ADAM And I raise them to the status of madam I have scrawled on a paper simply Read this poem, would you kindly
The starving child in the third-world country Has suffered now for over a century The crippled man who will never walk Moans and glances at the ticking clock The drug addict fills up his needle with remorse Knowing this is not life’s course Suffering souls fill this planet How did it happen, no one planned it Miserable lives and traumatic situations Buried by life’s constant complications The hands of time slowly tick and tick While the sufferer’s thoughts can never stick Unyielding pains and unforgivable punishments To those who have no real defense Flare ups from the sun leave them to rot And all the while, they’re just another sunspot
English class was always a blunder, But as long as she’s there, it’s a splendor. She’s the girl embedded with a stereo Who wishes only to be with Frank Iero. She’s a Chemical Girl and will always be, And living in a box is her destiny. She bawls when Obama takes office, And bawls even more when My Chem rocks it. She’s the sweetest girl I’ve ever met, She’ll be my roomie, if our futures are set.
Ho, Ho, Oh-no
We’re standing here now, under mistletoe And you’re looking at me like, “You ready to go?” So I purse up my lips, and you yours About to make a love as beautiful as the inners of jewelry stores. I’m already lost in your eyes, so I think I may miss This now teaches me to aim when I kiss.
The Middle Child
The artistic among the mundane But everyone sees them as plain. The one who always gives and hardly gets The one who always gets you out of your debts. The one who will sit and cry in their room While you bitch at them, til they’re in their tomb. The kid who always had the nice thing to say Had the family that made him want to run away. Emotional abuse is nothing but fun But they’ll never know of the damage they’ve done. A broken soul and a beaten mind lies within But you’d never know, they’ve always got a grin. They bury their mind into the sky And pray to the Lord that its them, not you, who shall die. As they write the next verse in the poem, they shake And of course, you’ll only read the words you make. To turn this child into something dark Them and a shadow, can’t tell them apart. So as you read, and then storm to their room Blaming them, and cursing your womb. Remember this and please dont forget They’re just the middle child, not really a threat.
Glorious intimidation has intertwined with wondrous beauty She leads with her morals, as if on active duty Few will know of the glory and wonder That 2 people and God have brought asunder She’ll break the heart of the strongest king And leave all the serfs searching for a ring Glory from above and magic from below But still only the lucky are to know With those prominent brows and luscious lips She’s the girl that not a one of us hopes to forget She is the sunshine of the author who writes for you She is the beautiful phenom, put plainly as Bloo
The Earth has evolved and overcome Lead by the beat of a beating drum. Grains inside the planet have started to grow And the winds paths have just begun to show. The dust has settled and life can begin anew But only because, the dinosaurs are through.
The world has just started to come crashing down The queen is killed with no one for the crown The president finds himself in a hostage situation They’re all gunning for him, it’s their competition We all look to the sky and watch the sun burn out Everyone fears the worst, optimism is the doubt And look now, all the planets have started to collide And we’re pulling into the Sun with great stride The homeless watchers claim they were right And say we would never win this fight So what is a doomed planet to do? Well, some confess the love that was never new While some bury themselves in a mountain of liquor And even some look for death even quicker But its those who cherish those last moments And rejoice over all of life’s wonderful presents Those who won’t be broken by the universe’s powers Because through the soil erupts a plethora of flowers
The Rewrite Poem
Looking good all these yearsPulling some strings I start to face fearsAnchored feelings in sunken chestsDivulged thoughts in physical breastsWhere did the time get toOh yeah, we just watched as clocks flewSincere words dont mean happinessYour words doll, they equal bitternessBut why not try it all againNo wait, pains just around the bendWe’re surely not set to find blissBut whose to know or care, lets rewrite this
We’re riding inside a cramped car We ride it hard and we ride it far We ride down the Up streets And up the back avenues There’s too many ways to name a street And not enough room to move my feet I figured we’d have two cars But in this one, we can all see the stars Gas has become such a bust That begging for cash is our new must We go around the the final curve And then we keep it up with a jug-turn We’re riding out of this back alley boulevard So keep an eye out for our postcard
Counting down these hours And feeling up the days left So what else can we do We’ve only got so much time We can always count on a sunset And the feeling of total failure But we bank on tomorrow’s sunrise And next weekend’s road trip This time elapsed is becoming routine And no one knows who to blame So all we can do with the days left Is party hard and shake off the days
Burning lips never asked this question And hanging hearts never thought to mention: "Ever wonder where the world be at If we stayed right where we were at?” Since those burning Broadway nights And those freezing Vegas fights The worlds taken a turn for the worse And the lives we live are way off course. It used to be the pretty picture of life And now it’s all gone down with the blade of a knife. I’ve been wandering around, wondering what was best But moreso, what could be done to fix this mess!? Can time be turned & steps retraced So I could rehandle all the problems we faced? Can I remove my aching head & inner thoughts And dismantle my jealousy & our “love clots?” What would it take to rehearse those lines And keep up with our pety crimes? It could have been 731 days on a Thursday But I can’t go back and ask you to stay.
Break My Heart And I’ll Run Yours Aground
Heading out into open waters Searching for that love of mine She’s been lost at sea for months And I’ve been lost for what feels like years She was the wind upon my sails And the anchor to my gravity How am I to find my girl with no trace And no flares left to burn for SOS All I can do now is live a life at sea Hoping to that her pretty face, I get to see Somewhere out there on a deserted island Or in the belly of a whale Either way I’ll find my girl These land girls cant do it for me They break hearts like wine bottles And if they break mine, I’ll run theirs aground
Build Me Up, Golden
Long bus rides and tiresome walks They’re what i do for blocks and blocks Trying to reach this shining star by far The anchor to my ship, the diesel to my car Hazel orbs that flutter the mind And skipping beats are hard to find Like a game of chance let’s play two-out-of-three Like breaking hearts you gave the chances to me I’ll do all i can to make yours molten As long as you’ll build me up, golden
I’ve been Mr. Bright-Eyes & Bushy Tail for too long The smile on my face is long gone The world is evolving around me and I’ve got nothing to do What does a kind-eyed kid do in a world so cruel? Tricks turning tricks out on my local track And the tadpoles are just breaking their backs We need a shining light to look up to And something to help us pull through We can’t stay victim to life much longer And I admit, I can’t get much stronger We’re a nation of crippled and beaten down And many of us aint even homeward bound So what are we to do without a future We don’t know, just clock out, and leave here